1797

Being Sabbath day, I lectured on Psalm 84, and on 2 Corinthians 5.

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I came to Charleston,fd1 and preached in the evening on Ephesians 5:15, 16.

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We began conference, and sat some days six or seven hours. We had pleasing accounts of the growth of religion in Georgia as well as in this State. We had a sermon every evening, and many to hear.

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My subject was John 14:21-23. I do not yet feel myself in the spirit of the work.

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Our conference rose. We have been blessed with some young men for the ministry. By letter from James M’Cannon, in Baltimore, I learn that our people have had the offer of the Episcopal church, and the English and German Presbyterian churches, until we can rebuild. I began reading the Bible and Winterbotham’s View of the United States. We have sent out subscriptions for the Methodist Magazine. The like severity of weather hath not been known here for fourteen or fifteen years; the gardens and oranges appear to be destroyed; the want of moisture may have increased the effects of the frost. I have felt my soul filled with love, for the general union in the ministry, and for the Church: my mind is stayed upon the Lord alone.

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Our dear brethren set out for their circuits.

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In the evening we met the society in the manner I had

recommended to the brethren in New York, Philadelphia, and Baltimore. We were much blessed; it was a gracious season. Brother Edgar Wells appears to be dying swiftly. I purpose to go out only every other night, as I am called to duty every morning with fifty or a hundred Africans. I lament the wickedness of this city, and their great hatred against us. I spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in reading, writing, and visiting the sick.

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Notwithstanding I had taken medicine on Saturday, and was unwell, I preached on John 6:66-69. We were much crowded; and more so, when Dr. Coke preached in the evening.

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The remnant of the preachers left the city. I rode up the path, and attended the Doctor to Clement’s ferry. At night I met the seeking Africans in Brother Wells’s kitchen. This evening I prayed with brother Wells for the last time; he expressed his confidence in God, and freedom from guilty dread and horror.

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I was called to the house of brother Edgar Wells, just

departed this life. His widow I found in prayers and tears, as also the dear children and servants. We appointed his funeral to be at four o’clock to- morrow. The scene was serious. I learned he wished to see me once more: I visited him every day I could with propriety. It is twelve long year’s next March since he first received Henry Willis, Jesse Lee, and myself, into his house.fd2 In a few days he was brought under heart distress for sin, and soon after professed faith in Christ; since that he hath been a diligent member in society. About fourteen months ago, when there was a revival of religion in the society, and in his own family, it came home to his own soul; he was quickened, and remarkably blest, and continued so to be until his death. His affliction was long and very severe. The last words he was heard to say that could be understood were, that “he knew where he was, that his wife was with him, and that God was with him.” He hath been a man of sorrows, and hath suffered the loss of two respectable wives and a favourite son; sustained heavy loss by fire, and was subject to a great variety of difficulties in trade and merchandise. He was one much for the feeling part of religion; a gentleman of spirit, and sentiment, and fine feelings, a faithful friend to the poor, and warmly attached to the ministers of the Gospel. This was a solitary day, and I laboured under uncommon dejection. I preached in the evening, and was in great heaviness.

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We committed the dust of our dear brother Wells to the

old church burying ground, in Cumberland Street. Doctor Coke performed the funeral rites, and delivered an oration. I also gave a short one. My serious gloom continued.

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We were closely attentive to the notes on the Discipline.

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Visited Mr. Grant, declining swiftly in a consumption. He appeared to be somewhat awakened to a sense of the state of his soul and body.

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Till noon my heart sinketh, and I am ready to conclude we are not sent to the whites of this place, except a very few; but to the poor Africans. I find this a suffering, holy time.

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I preached Mr. Wells’s funeral sermon, on Revelation 2:10. I observed, 1. Who it is that speaketh. 2. To whom he was speaking.

3. What might be supposed and granted concerning the angel of the Church—that he had professed the convicting and converting grace of God; that he had suffered poverty, temptation, and persecution. 4. What it is to be faithful to God—to fear him, as also to trust in his providence and grace; faithful to Christ and to the Spirit, to the Church of God, to his family and citizens; faithful unto death, even martyrdom. I gave a brief account of Mr. Wells’s life and death. I was exceedingly weak in body and mind before I began preaching, but was considerably liberated. I had a solemn, attentive congregation, and was glad to come home and spend the evening in solitary reading and prayer. I have to meet the African people every morning between five and six o’clock, at my lodging, with singing, reading, exhortation, and prayer.

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We were at work upon our notes on the Discipline.

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I was very unwell, yet I must needs preach a little on 2 Corinthians 6:2. My body is weak, and my soul is distressed on account of sinners. I have made out to read the third volume of Winterbotham’s General View of our Continent. This I do, because I have some hope of visiting British America before I die.

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My mind oppressed and my body afflicted, I was close at work—heart, head, and eyes. No justice for Cumberland Street Methodists. A young Scot shouted in the church, and after he was taken out of the house struck three or four men; no bill was found against him; and we are insulted every night by candlelight.

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Still unwell. The three following days I was confined to the house with fever. I wrought at our work. O, that it may be for the glory of God and the good of his Church! I have numbered the chapters, and versed Scriptures in it. I am resolved to visit more, if spared to get through this weighty business. Mr. Grant, after three years warning with a consumption, is gone. I trust God had mercy on his soul. Doctor Coke preached in the morning, brother Hill in the afternoon.

Sunday and Monday, 29, 30. I consulted a physician, who judged my disease to be an intermittent fever, and such it proved itself. On Tuesday, 31, I was taken about two o’clock with a powerful ague, which held me till nearly nine o’clock. I presume it has been working for two weeks. I probably took it by going out at the death of brother Wells.

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I took the powders of Columbo after the bilious

pills. Thursday, 2, my fever did not return. Friday, 3. Growing better, I had serious thoughts about going home to God. Of late I have been kept uncommonly happy. My depression of spirits at times is awful, especially when afflicted; that which is deeply constitutional will never die but with my body. I am solemnly given up to God, and have been for many months willing to live or die in, for, and with Jesus.

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I was better, and was enabled to read, write,fd3 ride, and visit.

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To-morrow my dear Coke sails for Europe. My mind is in

peace, but I am not pleased with such confinement. I now take a decoction of the bark. I am under great obligations to Doctor Joseph Ramsay for his peculiar attention to me in my affliction, without fee or reward for his services. By letter from John Dickins, I learn the work of God greatly revives in New York among the aged people and little children. I have lately read the second volume of Mr. Wesley’s Sermons.

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This day Doctor Coke is waiting to sail for Ireland. Strangers to the delicacies of Christian friendship know little or nothing of the pain of parting. Glad tidings of great joy from New York. A second glorious work is begun there, twenty souls converted, a great love feast, and Sabbath evening meeting held until one o’clock in the morning. This news hath given a spring to us in this city.

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I visited a little.fd4

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I attended my station, and stood upon my watch-tower. My subject was Ecclesiastes 5:1: “Keep thy foot when thou goest into the house of God.”

I. The house of God—the temples, first and second, and synagogues, were called houses of God. A place built for the worship and service of the Lord; the congregation and church.

II. The exercises and ordinances of the house of God: reading and preaching the word of God; prayer and praises; baptism and the Lord’s supper. In his temple every one shall speak of his glory. III. The manifestations that God is pleased to make of himself in his own house to the souls of his people.

IV. How people should prepare for, and behave in, the house of God. To keep their eyes and ears—fix their attention on the Lord and Master of the house.

V. The wicked called fools, and the sacrifice they make. Ignorant of themselves, of God, of Christ, and true religion, and the worship of the Lord, and do not consider it is God, Christ, and sacred things they make light of.

We were full, and I put my strength to the test. In the afternoon, from Ezekiel 36:25-27. I showed the evils God threatened, and prophesied the removal of, by his servant to his nominal professed people, Israel. I. Their stony heart—their idols and filthiness.

II. The blessings promised and prophesied—a new heart, a new spirit, the indwelling and sanctifying influence of the Spirit.

III. The blessed consequential effects—”I will cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments to do them.” The law, the judgments of God, because of the penalty annexed—thus saith the Lord to the renewed soul, “Thou shalt have none other gods but me.” “Lord,” saith the Christian, “I want none other but thee.” Saith Jehovah, “Thou shalt not make to thyself any graven image.” The pious soul saith, “I will not; the work of my hands cannot save my soul: I will not take thy name in vain. I love thy day—thy love hath written thy law upon my heart, and love to my neighbour engages me to fulfil my duty to him also.” “The meek shall inherit the earth,” as a sacred charter from the Lord—this is their claim, security, and defence.

I was wearied with the duties of the day, and had only retired to rest when the alarm of fire was cried—it proved only to be a kitchen, and by the activity of the people it was soon extinguished.

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I have peace, and am as well in health as I could expect. Bless the Lord, O my soul! I was taken up with handing about a subscription for the new house. Our people appear much afraid to move in this work.

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I met the stewards on the subject of the new house.fd5 We have adjourned on the question. If materials fall in their price, and if we can secure £400, shall we begin? O we of little faith! It is a doubt if we had fifty in society, and £100 on hand, when we laid the foundation stone of Cumberland Street house, which cost us (including the lot) £1,300. The society has been rent in twain, and yet we have wrought out of debt, and paid £100 for two new lots, and we can spare £100 from the stock, make a subscription of £150, and the Africans will collect £100.

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I felt much better, and rejoice in hope of going hence.

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was a solitary day; my soul was in heaviness, and my body weak. I was employed in writing letters, and reading the Bible with critical attention.

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I thought I would fast, refraining from food till six o’clock; I felt very weak, had a fever and headache, and was glad to go to bed at seven o’clock. I feel pain to be gone, and do not expect much peace of mind, or health of body, until I go to my old solitary country life. I judge that discipline, and the doing away of certain things, have contributed somewhat to the late revival of religion in New York.

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I entered on my duty. I had not an opening to preach, so I made an explanatory discourse on Isaiah 55:1-7; and it appeared to be of use. My leading heads were,

I. The spiritual blessings held forth in the temporal good things, water, wine, milk. Water to quench the thirst, cleanse, and heal, as to drinking, bathing, &c.; all expressive of the grace of God to our souls—comforting, cleansing, healing. Wine for the sickly, tempted, dispirited ones. Milk for babes.

II. The grand qualifications—thirst and no money; and to come, no merit, no righteousness.

III. The reasoning—”Wherefore do you spend your money,” &c.; that is, make great sacrifices for pleasure, and yet are disappointed; such is the case of those who seek after ceremonial righteousness.

IV. His offering Christ.

V. The promise of the increase of the kingdom of Jesus Christ among distant and unknown nations.

VI. When they are to come to seek the Lord, viz., “while he may be found.”

It was a melting season. In the afternoon I preached on Romans 8:31: “What shall we then say to these things; if God be for us, who can be against us?”

I. I viewed the whole chapter. The character and distinguishing marks of the people of God.

II. How he will order himself on the side of his people, in his justice, mercy, truth, power, and love: “If God be for us?”—this is a modest supposition. I observed, he will not aid our persecutors—their help is departed from them; that he sanctified persecution; and sometimes would cut off the enemies of his Church and people; that some were enemies from policy, others from heretical principles, some from enmity of heart; others would think their fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, &c., were misguided and deluded. I stood on my feet about three hours this day, was much wearied and slept but little.

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I was weak—the weather uncommonly warm. I rejoice in hope of leaving the city next Monday, if the Lord spareth me.

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My mind has been greatly afflicted, so that my sleep has been much interrupted, yet there was a balm for this; a poor black, sixty years of age, who supports herself by picking oakum, and the charity of her friends, brought me a French crown, and said she had been distressed on my account, and I must have her money. But no! although I have not three dollars to travel two thousand miles, I will not take money from the poor. I am very unwell, my soul and body is distressed: ah! that such trifles should affect me. I have read four books of Moses critically.

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Was a sorrowful day to me: I am thinking God is teaching

me I ought not to stay in this place after this manner: perhaps I shall never stay here again for so long a time. I am kept from sinning, yet not from deep and sore temptation.

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Brother James King came to town to take the charge in this city as assistant preacher to Benjamin Blanton.fd6

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I began to prepare for my departure hence.

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My mind is happy in the expectation of leaving this city on Monday.

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I judged it best to be plain and explanatory upon the Lord’s supper, 1 Corinthians 5:7, 8. Our congregation was large, and the sacramental occasion very solemn. My farewell discourse was on 1 Samuel 12:23, 24. I observed on the duty of those who have the charge of souls.

I. To pray for them.

II. To teach them the good and the right way; which is to fear the Lord, and serve him in truth, sincerity, and purity of intention. III. The motives to induce them—the consideration of the great things God hath done for them.

What good have I attempted to do here? I assisted the Doctor in the notes on the Discipline. I have preached every Sabbath except two; formed a plan to erect a house in the west end of the city suburbs, to be equal to that in Cumberland Street; I have made peace between a dying man and his brother-in-law, in which two families were concerned; and I cured a poor African’s sore leg by applying a poultice of bread and milk.

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I felt a fever, yet rejoiced to leave Charleston. Many came to see me. I have persuaded one person to give up the use of what I feared would be her ruin: she promised she would; if so, all will be well. On my way I felt as if I was let out of prison. Hail! ye solitary pines! the jessamin, the redbud, and dog-wood! how charming in full bloom! the former a most fragrant smell. We reached Monks Corner, and were most agreeably entertained at Mr. Jones’s. We came on the next day and had but hard fare till we reached Nelson’s ferryfd7: it being a rainy day, the gentlemen were regaling themselves with cards: blunt Frank Asbury asked for dinner, but told them he could not dine upon cards; the cards were very politely put away, and every necessary mark of attention paid: Mr. Gurdine, who commands several ferries on this river, is a complete gentleman. We came off in the rain, and it fell very freely. Through the swamp we had deep wading, and steeped our feet; we wrought along as night came on; and after riding four miles in the dark, dirt, and rain, we came to the widow Bowman’s:fd8 here I found shelter and was kindly entertained. Her husband was a godly, gracious man, and died in the Lord some years ago.

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We rested and refitted. Thursday, 2. We had a cold

day at Gibson’s;fd9 my subject was 1 John 5:13-15. I was very unwell, under infirmities of body and mind. Thence we rode five miles to Mark Moore’s,fd10 where I preached on 2 Peter 3:18, and had a comfortable time.

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We had a dry, cold, hungry, long ride of thirty miles to Richard Bradford’s,fd11 where I dined, and preached at three o’clock and felt resolved to give them one plain talk on Hebrews 3:7, 8. 1. The voice of God is the Gospel of Jesus Christ as preached by himself. 2. What is comprehended in hearing his voice—attending, believing, obeying. 3. How men harden their hearts—by delays, and by inward and outward sin; the Holy Ghost saith, To-day, in the word, in the ministry, in the hearts of men.

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At Rembert’s new chapelfd12 I preached on Matthew 11:28-30, where I had some living sweetness.

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After love feast and sacrament I preached on 2 Corinthians 6:6-10, but had not much satisfaction. Religion is reviving here among the Africans; several are joined in society: these are the poor; these are the people we are more immediately called to preach to.

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I preached in the court house at Camden, set apart for a

meeting house: my subject was, “Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men.” 1. I treated on the divine character of Christ, as judge—his perfections, and relation to the persons who are to be tried. 2. The characters to be judged—infidels, sinners, Pharisees, hypocrites, backsliders, believers, true and false ministers: these are to be tried, found guilty, or acquitted; sentenced and punished, or applauded and rewarded. I received a second letter from New York, informing me of the revival of religion there among the aged and young people. I rode fourteen miles to Granny’s quarter,fd13 a small house among the sand hills; thence eight miles to brother Horton’s,fd14 whose brother, a Baptist, had lately departed this life; he was blest in his end.

NORTH CAROLINA

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We rode thirty-two miles to the Waxhaw, hungry and faint: at Wren’s I was led out on, “Let us not sleep as do others.” The next day, at quarterly meeting, I preached on Isaiah 1:9: there was a noise and shaking. This evening a little circumstance gave me great pain; I broke my skin in two places. We rode on Friday and Saturday seventy miles. We passed through a large settlement of Presbyterians; Mr. M’Ree,fd15 their minister, gave us a kind invitation to lodge at his house; but we wished to cross the river at Martin’s ferry,fd16 and stay at the widow Featherstone’s.fd17

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We were at Daniel Asbury’s. My leg was inflamed by riding, and I found it necessary to poultice it. I sat down and taught the people on, “He that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” We had a living meeting in the evening; some souls were greatly blest.

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We rode into Iredell country, thirty-three miles. We were

caught in the rain, which threw me into a chill, followed by a fever; in this situation I came to, and preached at brother Fitzgerald’s. Between four and five o’clock, brothers Dean and Dyson (Methodists), Hall and Bowman (Presbyterians) had filled my appointment in the preceding part of the day.

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I preached at the church in the forks of the Yadkin, on Isaiah 35:1-4. I had to ride eight miles in the rain to Templeton’s.

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I rode five miles to Mr. Marcis Hoy’s, and treated on the rest that remaineth to the people of God. In the afternoon I rode twelve miles to father Bruce’s, where I found myself at home.

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We had to ride fifteen miles through the rain to Samuel

Oxford’s. After preaching on Hebrews 2:1, we rode eight miles to Paynes’s. The weather was very damp: I felt the chill through me. The next morning I was seized with a fever which held me more or less until Sabbath morning, when I preached at Perkins’s and Connelly’s meeting houses; at the former on Hebrews 2:3, and at the latter on 2 Corinthians latter part of the sixth chapter. Here as many as eight preachers came to meet me; some of them one hundred miles. I feel myself very unwell, and am afraid that almost every rain will bring on a relapse of the fever. My mind of late is much resigned to the will of God; I feel I have nothing here but the Church of God; I would not throw my life away nor hold it back, if the Lord called for it in labouring, travelling and suffering. I conclude I have ridden one hundred miles this week, and the weather has been very uncomfortable, the roads bad, and our lodging in some very open houses; to which I may add my preaching in new and unfinished meeting houses in March, which is a searching, changeable month, especially near the mountains.

Sabbath day, 19. At Connelly’s new church I preached on 2 Corinthians 7:1. I only intended to give a short discourse.

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I had but twenty miles to ride to Esquire White’s at the Mulberry Grove. Here I left Doctor S. B——l; but death hath now removed him. I still continued to feel feverish and feeble, and thought it needful to take mountain bark.

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I preached once more at Johns River; my subject was 1 Corinthians 1:24, 25. As I thought it would be my last, I exerted myself until my chill and fever returned: I also administered the sacrament and baptized children.

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I set out on my journey for the west; and it had a serious influence on my mind to leave brother Hill behind, who I fear hath a confirmed consumption, and I too so unwell. It began to rain violently before we came to Henley’s. I took shelter in a house from the rain, and talked and prayed with a poor woman. We dined at Mr. Henley’s, calling at Wakefield only to talk and pray. I cannot well pass by my friends without calling. We hastened across Linville Mountain, which is awfully barren, and came on to Young’s Cove. The storm followed us, with thunder, lightning, and rain. We arrived after some of the people were gone; but some returned, and I gave them but a small talk, being very weary in walking down the mountains, and over the rocks.

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I came to Davenport’s. My subject was “Godliness is

profitable,” &c. Grace in the heart, in all its operations. Bodily exercise for a little time is useful for health—for the present world—for the means of grace. Godliness promiseth everything we can wish for in the present and future life; answering all the purposes of civil, domestic, and Christian life:—justice, mercy, and truth;—every duty and relation; all the joys and all the sufferings of life; all the lawful use of lawful things;—and prepares for the enjoyment of God, Christ, the Eternal Spirit, angels, and glory.

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I was unwell: the clouds were lowering. We had ridden but a mile when the rain began. Brother Jones’s house was at hand. Here we stopped two hours, until some of the rain fell to the earth. There was a short cessation, and about half-past twelve o’clock we set out again, rode six miles, and were driven into Mr. Cook’s by thunder, hail, and rain. Here we stopped to talk with God and man. Hard necessity made us move forward: the western branch of Toe River, that comes down from the Yellow Mountain, was rapidly filling; and was rocky, rolling, and roaring like the sea, and we were compelled to cross it several times. When we came to ascend the mountain, we had a skirmish of rain, thunder, and lightning—it was distant—it was mercy. I found hard work to ride where Thomas White had driven his wagon, for which he deserves a place in my journal and a premium from the State. When we had ascended the summit of the mountain, we found it so rich and miry, that it was with great difficulty we could ride along; but I was wrapped up in heavy, wet garments, and unable to walk through weakness of body; so we had it, pitch, slide, and drive to the bottom. We then came upon the drains and branches of Great Toe River. From Fisher’s we had to ride through what I called the shades of death, four miles to Miller’s. Here we had to cope with Toe River, and near the house came into deep water. My horse drove to the opposite bank above the landing, and locked one of his feet in a root, or something like it, but freed himself. At last we made the house; the people received us kindly, and gave us such things as they had. We could only partially dry our garments. We heard heavy tidings of a deep rocky ford yet to be passed in our way across Doe River.

TENNESSEE

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We were escorted by three brave young Dutchmen. After

riding three miles we began to scale the rocks, hills, and mountains, worming through pathless woods, to shun a deep ford. I thought, ride I must; but no—the company concluded to walk. I gave my horse the direction of himself, under Providence. I had to step from rock to rock, hands and feet busy; but my breath was soon gone, and I gave up the cause, and took horse again, and resolved that I would ride down the hills, although I had not ridden up them. At last (hit or miss, Providence is all) into the path we came, and thence kept down the river and over to Little Doe bearing down the stream. When we had passed the Gap we wished to feed; but the man had no corn to sell. We tried, man and horse, to reach Nathan Davies’s; where we arrived, and were made comfortable. I was much spent with the labours of this day. Hearing of the quarterly meeting at Dunworth’s, I rode on Sunday, 26th, twelve miles, and arrived time enough for me to give them a feeble, yet faithful talk, on Isaiah 1:9. I am of opinion it is as hard, or harder, for the people of the west to gain religion as any other. When I consider where they came from, where they are, and how they are, and how they are called to go farther, their being unsettled, with so many objects to take their attention, with the health and good air they enjoy; and when I reflect that not one in a hundred came here to get religion, but rather to get plenty of good land, I think it will be well if some or many do not eventually lose their souls. I was met by our brethren, John Kobler, William Burke, and John Page.fd18 I rested on Monday and Tuesday, to take breath and medicine. I find myself so hardly put to it at times that I can only journalize a little. We concluded, as there are not proper stations on the Cumberland path,fd19 it will not do for me to lodge on the ground: the general opinion is against it. We are to try to go to Kentucky next week.

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I rode to William Nelson’s,fd20 and after dinner to Nathan Davies’s. Thursday morning I was very weak, and have slow but almost continual fevers. I preached with great difficulty in the afternoon, and returned to William Nelson’s. This night I felt a total change of mind. The weakness of my body, and the cold and unsettled state of the weather, made me, with the general advice of the preachers present, give up the cause; they also advised me to make the best of my way to Baltimore, and not to ride in the rain. It may be, the Lord intends to lead me in a way I have not yet known; it is perhaps best that I should go with all expedient haste from conference to conference, only stopping at the towns and chief places on Sabbath days. Live or die, I must ride. After all the disappointments, perhaps every purpose is answered but one. I have sent brother John Kobler to take charge of Kentucky and Cumberland, by visiting the whole every quarter: brother Jonathan Bird I have stationed in the Holston district. I have written a circumstantial letter to brother Francis Poythressfd21 and the Kentucky conference. I have made a plan for the stationing of the preachers, at least those of any standing: and now I will make the best of my way to Baltimore; perhaps there may be some special call for me there: I must, as the burden of meeting the conferences, ordaining, and stationing the preachers resteth on me, save myself. I am peculiarly concerned for the cities: the prosperity of the work of God depends much on having proper men for any and every part of the work.

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It being rainy I rested. Saturday, April 1. The weather was clear and cold: we set off for brother Charles Baker’s. My horse hath the honour of swimming Holston River every time I visit this country.

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I felt better than I had done since I crossed the mountains. I preached on Acts 3:26, and was for pushing on again about fifteen miles farther, to Edward Coxe’s: we got lost, and were an hour in the night.

VIRGINIA

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We made a stretching ride of about forty miles, and were another hour in the night, and came to Michael Halfacre’s.fd22 I was properly outdone, and my fever returned and held me thirty hours.

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I reached the widow Russell’s:fd23 I am scarce able to read, write, sing, or pray; nevertheless, after I had rested, I preached in the evening.

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We took our way up Walker’s Valley;fd24 after riding about eight miles my weakness came on, and I was addressed by name and earnestly requested to stop and take refreshment and rest at Mr. M’Carty’s; here we were richly provided for: the mother and daughter are most agreeable and kind. After commending ourselves and this affectionate family to God, we came to Benoni Banning’s. As I was told, so I found this family—attentively kind: we stopped here Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

My fever never left me, as I thought, from Monday until Friday night. I am kept cheerful, but very weak. My diet is chiefly tea, potatoes, Indian-meal gruel, and chicken broth. My reading is only the Bible: I cannot think much, and only write a few letters. I think of my charge, of the conferences, and the Church, and of my dear parents, who will probably outlive me; I must be made perfect through sufferings. I rest in rainy weather, and have to ride from eighty to one hundred and twenty miles in a week. The way we now go we have sometimes to ride thirty miles to get to a house. From the 9th of April to the 27th of May I have kept no journal.fd25 The notes of our travels and troubles taken by Jonathan Bird and Joshua Wells, will tell a small part of my sorrows and sufferings. I have travelled about six hundred miles with an inflammatory fever, and fixed pain in my breast. I cannot help expressing the distinguishing kindness of some families where I have been forced by weakness to stop,—Captain Shannon, on Walker’s creek; my friend Scarborough, on the sinks of Green Brier; Colonel Moffatt and brother Young, in Augusta: neither can I forget Mr. Lee and Moore; the Harrisons, at Rocktown,fd26 and brother and sister M’Williams; Sisters Phelps and Reed, in Winchester and my dear friend, Doctor Tiffin.

MARYLAND

By a strange providence I was cast upon Eli Dorsey,fd27 on Linganore, who nursed me as if I had been his own father.

From the 27th of May until June 10, no journal. We rode nearly forty miles from Linganore to Baltimore. I lodged at brother Hawkins’s retreat, about one mile from the city. I lounged away a week in visiting a little.

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I was only able to speak about fifteen minutes. I recover but slowly. The constant resort of the wealthy and poor visiting me, made me much ashamed that they should look after such a worthless lump of misery and sin.

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I met the male members of the society Sabbath morning, as I had met the sisters and the official members in the preceding week. I obtained the liberty of the managers of the African academyfd28 to congregate the fathers as well as to teach the children. We had nearly five hundred coloured people. Brother Henry Willis preached on Acts 7:7, and I added a few words. In the afternoon I gave a short exhortation at Mr. Otterbein’s church, on Howard’s Hill. I am now waiting for the making of a sulky. Thomas Barber, from Birmingham (England), took a second likeness of me,fd29 at the desire of my mother, to send to England. I am trying to organize the African church. I made interest for the use of Mr. Otterbein’s church for Sabbath, in the morning and evening for the white people. I have attempted to promote society meetings at Old Town and the west end of the city, either at the Dunker’s meeting house or Mr. Otterbein’s church. My feelings or my fears premonish me this will be a sickly summer. I visit, dine, and ride out every day; but it is very hard work for me to eat, drink, talk, and do nothing. As I am not a man of the world, the most of the conversation about it is irksome to me. I am taken from house to house, and the brethren wish the pleasure of seeing me, and those who are acquainted with their families will come to see me also.

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I attempted to preach in Doctor Patrick Allison’s church, and felt more assisted than I expected.

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I was taken in a chariot to Perry Hall, in company with sister Martha Fonerden. I felt the effects of my exertions on the Sabbath, the want of rest, rising early, and riding to Mr. Gough’s. In my mind I felt almost as in old times. God hath not left this house. I felt great love to the family in praying for them in the family and in the closet. I had an open and free conversation with Mr. Gough about his soul. I conversed with the servants also, and had freedom in prayer, although I felt weakness of body. I wrote a few letters and read a little in the Bible. The weather is excessively warm.

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I cannot now, as heretofore, spend ten hours out of sixteen in reading the Bible in English or Hebrew, or other books, or write letters from morning until night. My bow is weak, if not broken; but I have more time to speak to God and souls. Sabbath day I performed at Mr. Gough’s alone.

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I borrowed a servant at Mr. Gough’s, and came on to Mr. Daniel Sheridine’s house, Northeast Cecil county. Here I borrowed another servant, and on Friday I rode to Wilmington (Delaware) and stopped at Allan M’Lane’s,fd30 now living there.

PENNSYLVANIA

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Warm as it was, I reached Philadelphia: and Sabbath

evening, 16, I felt free to labour a little, feeble as I was, and enlarged on John 14:1. I have great reason to be thankful for my sulky; I should soon be silent without it. I rode to Germantown to see aged mother Steele, and sister Lusby, and found freedom, although I could hardly walk or talk; yet must needs speak to the women of the house about their souls. Dined at brother Baker’s retreat, and came back to the city very sick, and went to bed.

NEW JERSEY

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I came off to Burlington; and was much grieved to hear my appointments had been made, and not attended in consequence of my illness.

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Dined at Crosswick’s, at brother Abbott’s,fd31 once a travelling preacher, now a merchant. We came on to father Joseph Hutchinson’s. Here I was almost outdone with excessive heat. I stopped four days, but found it hard work to sit still.

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We came to New Brunswick; dined, prayed, and rejoiced to hear that God had kindled a living fire here, through the instrumentality of a brother from Elizabethtown. We came on to Elizabethtown, forty miles. It was ample labour for man and horse. Here I was sick again.

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I rode to Newark, and dined with Mr. Ogden,fd32 a steady

friend.

NEW YORK

After the rain, I came to New York. Here I spent a few painful days, being unable to visit or be visited.fd33

On Monday I came to Shotwell’s,fd34 very unwell; and the next day to Kingsbridge. Here I was compelled by affliction to spend two weeks.fd35 I then rode to New Rochelle, and lodged at Mr. Sherwood’s.fd36 Finding myself swelling in the face, bowels, and feet, I applied leaves of burdock and then a plaster of mustard, which drew a desperate blister. I had such awful sore feet, I knew not but that they would mortify; and only after two weeks was I able to set them to the ground. I took cream of tartar and nitre daily, to cool and keep open the body. I also made use of the bark.

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I began to walk once or twice across the room.

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We began our route to Wilbraham.fd37 We had not ridden far over the rocks before I was taken very unwell. We stopped at Byram, at father Banks’s. I was soon put to bed with a very high fever, that held me through the night. I now began to conclude it was not the will of God I should proceed, and the brethren would not persuade me to go on. Brother Tottenfd38 returned with me to mother Sherwood’s. I have had slight fevers, but expect to rest until about the first of October, which I hope, with riding a little every clear day, will restore me to health.

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I visited Nicholas Underhill’sfd39 wife, who is near her trying hour. I hope it was good for me, for her, and for the family. I take a small portion of bark each day, and one-third of a common dose of cream of tartar and nitre, and hope I shall yet be raised up. My mind is stayed upon God; and I hope to be more holy: but I fear I shall never be able to ride and preach as I have done in former days, so as to be more useful. I have now much time to think of and review my whole life.

The kindness of this Sherwood family is great—my dear mamma, and Betsy Sherwood,fd40 and Jonathan and Bishop also. If I had not been at home here, what additional distress of mind would have attended me! My friends also were welcome to come and see me. Sabbath day, at the widow Sherwood’s, I had the pleasure of hearing our brother Matthiasfd41 make a pointed, profitable, and powerful discourse. It is now eight weeks since I have preached—awfully dumb Sabbaths! I have been most severely tried from various quarters; my fevers, my feet, and Satan, would set in with my gloomy and nervous affections. Sometimes subject to the greatest effeminacy; to distress at the thought of a useless, idle life: but what brought the heavy pang into my heart, and the big tear to roll, that never rises without a cause was, the thought of leaving the Connexion without some proper men of their own election, to go in and out before them in my place, and to keep that order which I have been seeking these many years to establish. My aged parents were dear to me in their advanced age and dependent state: like myself, they have spent what they had to spare for many years, nearly forty, in keeping open doors for the gospel and people of God: this burden hath been laid upon them. I am happy that I can now ride a little every clear day for my better health, and can eat and sleep better. I am left too much alone. I cannot sit in my room all day, making gloomy reflections on the past, present, and future life. Lord, help me! for I am poor and needy; the hand of God hath touched me, and I think Satan forts himself in my melancholy, unemployed, unsocial, and inactive hours.

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I was strongly impressed in my mind months ago that this

summer and fall would be marked with heavy afflictions. O Philadelphia! I have had very little faith for that city. I have often remarked the general contempt of the Sabbath; the constant noise of carriages; there is a perpetual disturbance of worshipping assemblies. It is true, one event cometh on the righteous and the wicked; but God will stand to his word— he hath punished, he will punish those that rob him. If report be true, the distress of the Philadelphians is great; three-fourths of the citizens are fled.

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I felt strength of faith and body, as if I should be raised up again. I rode for recreation nine miles. The clouds are dispelled from my mind. O that my future life may be holiness to the Lord—prudent and exemplary to many! I wished to speak to a poor African whom I saw in the field as I went out; and as I came along on my return, he was at a stone wall within eight or nine feet of me. Poor creature! he seemed struck at my counsel, and gave me thanks. O, it was going down into the Egypt of South Carolina after those poor souls of Africans I have lost my health, if not my life in the end. The will of the Lord be done!

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I rode about fourteen miles. I met a messenger, who came to desire my presence to-morrow at the funeral of our brother Van Nostrand.fd42 I have known him about fifteen years, and had great confidence in the man. He hath laboured as a local preacher, and three years as a travelling one. He had his seals, and I know one. Some will complain of his negligence in Elizabeth circuit; but what could the man do? He gave his life, and perhaps caught the cause of his death by bad lodging and riding in cold weather. He told a friend he had settled his temporal and spiritual business: he then slept in peace. Brother Van Nostrand was a native of Long Island. He followed the fortune of King George in the revolutionary war, but soon after peace he joined himself under king Jesus, and fought till he died in a good cause, as a Christian and a minister. I had some unpleasing symptoms, and am ready to conclude I shall linger on to death, or at least never be restored to perfect health. My soul continually cries out, Thy will be done, O Lord!

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I attended the funeral, and gave an exhortation. I have ridden twenty miles this day, with little rest and no food.

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I rode eight or ten miles. I was touched with the fever.

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I slept well last night, but waked with a slight fever. I received a letter from Dr. Coke. As I thought, so it is—he is gone from Ireland to England, and will have work enough when he cometh here. The three grand divisions of that Connexion are alarming. It is a doubt if the doctor cometh to America until spring, if at all until the General Conference. I am more than ever convinced of the propriety of the attempts I have made to bring forward Episcopal men:—First, from the uncertain state of my health; Secondly, from a regard to the union and good order of the American body, and the state of the European Connexion. I am sensibly assured the Americans ought to act as if they expected to lose me every day, and had no dependence upon Doctor Coke; taking prudent care not to place themselves at all under the controlling influence of British Methodists. I visited three families, talked and prayed in each, but was rather outdone.

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At Sherwood’s Valley: I had greatly desired to speak to these people, and was much assisted so to do; my subject was 2 Corinthians 6. 2. I considered by way of introduction, what character of people they were who are to be the subjects of salvation—the lost, the enslaved, and those that cannot save themselves. First, Christ the author of this salvation, the meritorious, efficient, and moving cause. Secondly, The nature of this salvation—to reach all the misery and guilt of sinners; to save, redeem, and liberate. Thirdly, What bespeaks an accepted time and a day of salvation; to have God, Christ, the Spirit, ministers, means, and people that have religion, say, Behold—now is the day of salvation! I was able to speak fervently and regularly for an hour with great affection. I rejoiced to find that God had raised me up to call poor mourning souls to Christ, and to warn careless sinners. After twenty-six years the Gospel is established in this neighbourhood, at a small distance from this house. I preached at Peter Bonnett’s before the war; and after peace was restored, the blessing returned to his widow’s house; two of his daughters are in fellowship with us. The widow Sherwood’s was the substitute house, after the widow Bennett went to live at New York: now they are about building a church for the word and worship of God.fd43 I am happy to hear, by letters, of a revival of the work in several places in Virginia, as also in North and South Carolina.

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The day was clear, and very warm. I rode up to the Plains, and stopped at Elijah Crawford’s. God hath honoured this house. Two young men are going into the ministry out of it. I have ridden nearly twenty miles, and had it not been for the heat, I should have done well.

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I wrote a letter to ——, he was under grief and trouble. This day Joshua Wellsfd44 returned from Wilbraham Conference. Matters were conducted well.

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The preachers came up; and Thursday, 28, we had a

sermon and ordination of deacons. I was employed about three hours, and faint indeed. I rode four miles, and lodged at Morgan’s,fd45 East Chester: this was an excessively warm day.

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We rode to New York; a very warm day. I found myself

much injured, but was well nursed at the north side of the city. They have a touch of the fever here in George Street.fd46

Sabbath, October 1. We had much rain. Live or die, I preached at the old and new church on Isaiah 33:20, and Deuteronomy 28:9. I had some disagreeable things, and was but ill fitted in body to bear them. NEW JERSEY

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We rode about twenty-seven miles to Hammond’s.fd47 My fever rises every night.

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We rode thirty miles to Joseph Hutchinson’s. I lament most of all that I have not lived in a constant state of prayer. I have had most deep and sore temptations of many kinds, such as I could have hardly thought of in health. I must be tried so as by fire. By reason of the fever in Philadelphia our conference is moved to Duck Creek, in the state of Delaware.

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After the storm was over we moved on as far as

Crosswicks, and lodged at father Lovell’s.fd48 I was weak in body but comfortable in mind. I visited three families; called at Hulet Hancock’s, and saw my old friend of twenty-six years’ membership. I came on to Burlington. Serious times still in Philadelphia. I was very unwell; I had an awful night.

PENNSYLVANIA

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We crossed Dunkes’s ferry, and came a rough, crooked way to Germantown. We had a meeting at Dr. Lusby’s.

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We rode over the rocks, after crossing Schuylkill at a ferry, to Chester, and thence to Aaron Mattson’s. There is a new house and mill built since I was here; but there is room enough for Christ yet. DELAWARE

We rode to Wilmington, where I preached on Psalms 46:1Psalm 46:1-5.

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We came thirty-eight miles to Duck Creek.

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We began conference.fd49 I appointed the president elders to take my seat, and I sat alone, because the hand of the Lord was upon me. I was resolved to put out my strength to the last in preaching. My first subject was Isaiah 1:26-28; my second was on Luke 17:12; my third 2 Corinthians 13:11. Great times: preaching almost night and day; some souls converted, and Christians were like a flame of fire. Eleven persons were set apart for elders’ and three for deacons’ orders.

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We rose. I was much outdone, yet happy. We appointed a

standing committee to inspect and direct the press. We read some passages of the notes on the Discipline, and left the remnant to this committee. MARYLAND

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We rode to Bohemia Ferry, twenty miles. Dr. Nicholas

Ridgely has sent me plenty of Columbo magnesia, soluble tartar, and bark. I am much grieved that I do not converse more abundantly with God in my own heart and soul. We had great peace. I have not of late, if at any time in these parts, heard such an awful account of fever as we now hear rages in Baltimore city and Point. It is reported that our conference was first moved to Evans’s meeting house. I spent the evening at Mr. Richard Bassett’s, and lectured upon a chapter.

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was a very warm day. We rode from Duck Creek to

Northeast. They had managed the matter so as to appoint for me and brother Jesse Lee to preach. I gave them a short sermon, on Galatians 5. 7: “Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?” I lodged at Mr. Daniel Sheridine’s.

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We came to Josias Dallam’s.

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Reached Mr. Gough’s. I was comforted in seeing a few of my age who were my spiritual children.

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After all the alarm we came to Baltimore; a blessed rain settled the amazing dust and purified the air.

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I opened conference, and gave up the presidency to the

presiding elders. Returned unwell. Very uncomfortable easterly winds and rainy weather. I mentioned in my speech to the conference the weakness of the episcopacy.

The conference rose on Friday, 27. There was great peace, and all the preachers, but myself, satisfied with their stations.

Sabbath day, 22. I preached at Dr. Allan’s church the funeral sermon of Martha F. Allison,fd50 a Methodist for about twenty-seven years; a class leader; a woman of sense and piety: the subject was John 11:24-27. We had a crowded house.

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I opened the new church in Light Streetfd51 with reading 2 Chronicles 7:12; Psalm 132; Haggai 2, Mark 11. The elders read and prayed. My subject was Ephesians 2:19-22; and at Old Town I preached on 2 Samuel 16:17. I had to preach the funeral sermon of father Gatchfd52 on 1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14. I observed the pleasing, cheering, and charming manner in which the apostle described the death of the righteous. Sleep—sleep in Jesus; a rest from labour, sorrow, affliction, and pain; happy opening visions of God! Secondly, The hope the pious who are alive have for their pious dead who have had experience, and long continuance in religion, and a comfortable dying in the Lord. Those who have no hope for themselves nor their dead, how awful their sorrow! I feel myself very weak. I dined at Mr. Philip Rogers’s.

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I went to see the poor orphans; to weep with sister

Fonerden’s children, and dear Nelly Owings, her daughter also. They had a Nelly Owings baptized for the dead brother and sister Reed, my dear nursing friends: my aged friends brought me their beneficence and tears.fd53

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We came off and preached at the widow

Dorsey’s, on, “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.” We had a solemn assembly. I made a few observations on the hope Christians have of Christ only in this life; if in this life only Christians could have hope in Christ, they would be most miserable. They are denied the sinful pleasures, profits, and honours of the world; subject to great afflictions and persecutions; often deprived of life in ages past; no mercy, no justice, no truth, no love; lastly, that they could never be borne up under such principles and persecutions if it were not for the hope of future rewards: they which have no hope in this or the future world in Christ, are of all men the most wretched and miserable. My horse is a little ungovernable, the weather warm, and myself unwell.

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I did not preach, but exhorted at Shadrach Turner’s:fd54 here are five children and a mother for Christ, and for usefulness. DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

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We came to Georgetown. I felt very feeble in body, almost ready to faint before we reached Colossians Lloyd Bell’s: I was glad through my weakness to be excused from preaching: brother Lee supplied the place. I visited John Long’s family; I saw mother Moore after more than twenty years; she is going on to glory. A son of brother Long’s was sick, and distressed about his soul, and resolved to seek redeeming grace. We must needs go and view the famous bridge; it is amazing to see the river so contracted that a stone could be pitched over where the bridge stands: this is three miles above Georgetown: from the bridge upwards, there is a good road cut out of the rocks.

VIRGINIA

The rain came on, and we were glad we could find Samuel Adams’s, three miles from the bridge: here we were happily sheltered from the weather, and comfortably accommodated. I sent for brother Waters and his wife, and we improved the evening in the way Christians should; in prayer, singing, reading the word, and exhortations.

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We rode ten miles to Alexandria, and had only time to reach town when the rain came on powerfully. I made a feeble discourse on Isaiah 33:20. I ordained Thomas Lyell deacon.

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Came out of town late, and judged it best to call at William Bushby’s. We had a storm of snow. My mind is dull and my body languid; my only hope is Christ and grace.

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We thought it good, as the weather was fine, to stand our course southward: we fed at Colchester, at the new bridge: we were told it would cost eighty thousand dollars. This is a great relief to hasty travellers. We dined on the road, in the woods, on what we brought with us. We got to Dumfries, where court was then sitting: we met several drunken men on the way. I have not seen such sights for many days. We slept at Captain Ward’s: they expected us the evening before. I ordained brother Hopkinson deacon.

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We came away at eight o’clock, making twelve miles to

Stafford court house, breakfasted and fed, and then drove twenty-five miles to the widow Bombry’s, where we arrived about six o’clock. The hills were very bad to climb, being much washed and broken: I was ready to be cast away, or overset. My body is still weak, and my mind greatly affected.

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I had gloomy feelings last night. Riding in the night was very injurious. I feel no evil, unless something like murmuring. When I am so unable to travel and yet go on, probably I do more than God or man requires of me; but the will of the Lord be done! If I suffer or sin in this, he will pardon my weakness.

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We rested at the widow Bombry’s: this mother in Israel treated us with every necessary mark of attention. I had an interview with sister Forks and her daughter. I found them still walking in the narrow way.

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We rode ten miles to Port Royal, and then came on nearly twenty miles to the widow Rouse’s,fd55 in Essex, where we were kindly and comfortably entertained. We then hastened on to Lersy Cole’s; he and his wife were gone to quarterly meeting eight miles down the river, but a pious young sister and housekeeper made us comfortable. We had a storm of wind and rain: when it had blown over, we hasted to the meeting house. I gave a short sermon, on, “No man speaking by the Spirit of God calleth Jesus accursed”; and that, “No man can say Jesus is Lord but by the Holy Ghost.” What is to be understood by calling Jesus accursed? To put him wholly out of the question; to expel him from being anything in our salvation; and to say all the unkind things that the Jews said of him. We had to ride five miles to the widow Humby’s; here all was kindness and love. We rejoiced to see our much esteemed brethren, Cole, M’Kendree, and Mead, and to hear of a great and gracious work of God.

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We rode to Pace’s chapel, where I preached on John 14:6, after which we had several exhortations, and the sacrament. We lodged at widow Campbell’s: we have been fed by the widows more than Elijah.

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We rode to Shackleford’s chapel,fd56 and held meeting three hours: we had a large and solemn congregation. I preached, although very unwell, on 1 Corinthians 2:12. In the month of July last, the Lord visited this place in mercy, and it is judged thirty souls not only professed to be, but were really converted to God. In speaking today, I showed—Of whom, and of what the apostles wrote: the things freely given them to know as apostles and Christians—redemption, salvation in all its degrees, conviction of sin, repentance for sin, faith, justification, regeneration, sanctification, the resurrection, and glorification; that these things are not communicated by the spirit of the world, but by the Spirit of God. We had a very warm day; we fasted eight hours, and held meeting three, and then rode nearly twenty-four miles, and lodged at ——.

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was a snowy day, and very cold: I rode seven miles, cased and curtained up in the carriage. I kept house at brother Bellamy’s: it is seven years since I was here. My mind enjoys peace, but my body is languid. I had a severe fever, and found it time to rest. A society of nearly forty here is now increased to one hundred, and it is hoped that nearly five hundred have joined this year in Gloucester circuit. I preached at Bellamy’s chapel on Hebrews 3:12, 13: it was an exceedingly cold day, but clear. We rode ten miles to John Ellis’s, where we were comforted with kindness, and blessed for one short night. We rose early to go on our way and, behold, who should meet us but Bishop Coke, with a borrowed horse, and a large white boy riding behind him on the same horse. We halted, and then agreed he should have brother M’Kendree’s horse; but up came John Ellis, and took the Doctor (Coke) home, and brought him in a carriage to quarterly meeting. We stood on our course, and by the time we came to Gloucester ferry, it blew a storm of wind and rain: I had only to turn the chair back to the wind and sit wrapped up. After two hours we crossed the river and rode in haste to John Ellis’s, seven miles. We drank, ate, prayed, and came on our way: the day, to one in my state, was very uncomfortable. We rode thirty-two miles this day, and stopped at our dear brother Taylor’s, in James City. There are two very good meeting houses built here since I visited these parts; one in James City, and the other in New Kent county.

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I delivered a feeble discourse on 1 Peter 2:1, 2. I observed on the malice, for some real or supposed injury done; guile to hide malice until an opportunity for revenge offers. Hypocrites—going beyond our attainments, professing what we do not practice, or not practicing what we profess; envious at the excellencies or happiness of others; evil-speaking—all these arising from the bad state of the heart, chiefly pride and self-love. Babes; not giving them strong food or medicines: babes; strangers to malice by want of understanding—and not having a capacity for guile; strangers to hypocrisy; no ideas of envy, not having speech to speak evil. Dr. Coke preached on Luke 12:14: “For where your treasure is, there your heart is also.” We spent a night at the widow Cowling’s.

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We rode thirty-one miles to brother Mooring’s;fd57 I had a thought never more to cross at old Jamestown. But we had a remarkable time after we had embarked: myself and Dr. Coke crossing in a skiff, the horses and carriage came in a large boat; my Bible, which was clothed and bound up in a handkerchief, was accidentally thrown into the river, but the black man snatched it up undamaged. The weather being damp, we rested.

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I wrote a small epistle to the official members of Baltimore, and another to Philadelphia, as also a short pathetic letter to my parents. We have ridden little less than four hundred miles in twenty days, and rested one. We had very damp weather.

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at brother Bellamy’s.fd58

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I rode about thirty miles to Mr. Briggs’s,fd59 to see how the preachers would be accommodated, and where the conference would be held: Mr. Briggs was willing to take eight or ten of the preachers, and gave the conference the offer of his hall to sit in.

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I visited my old friends, and wrote to Alexander Mather. My route, which I only guessed at, is now fixed by Norfolk, Portsmouth, Newbern, Kingston, Georgetown, and Charleston,—between five and six hundred miles in little more than a month; sick or well, living or dead, my appointments go on.

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The conference began their sitting at Lane’s chapel. About sixty preachers were present: nine or ten had located; and four or five were added. Sabbath day two hours were spent in speaking of the circuits, and for souls.

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At noon the conferencefd60 rose; the business was

conducted with despatch, and in much peace. I desired the advice of the conference concerning my health: the answer was, that I should rest until the session of the conference to be held in April, in Virginia.

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I travelled under much weakness of body to Stith Parham’s, at the High-hill store.

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I collected the small remains of strength I had, to read, and hear read my manuscript journal. It was written in such haste that it was very incorrect. I visited Robert Jones’s family, and on

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we had a family meeting: brother M’Kendree preached on faith, hope, and charity,—on faith to me, as I felt the need of its exercise.

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We stopped one night at Matthew Davis’s;fd61 and the next at Ira Ellis’s. Our time was taken up in journalizing; I came off twenty-five miles to Edward Drumgoole’s: once or twice I felt on my way thither as if the blood would rise into my mouth. I resolved to give up travelling this winter. Dr. Sims bled me; and there appeared an inflammatory buff on the top. O! to rest—to be idle and dependent—is painful: but if this is to make me perfect, the will of the Lord be done! I sent my papers to brother Lee, who proceeds to Charleston; also my plan and directions how to station the preachers, to brother Jackson. I believed that my going to Charleston this season, would end my life; yet, could I be persuaded it was the will of the Lord, I would go and preach. I cannot bear the fatigue of riding thirty miles in a day. I am much pressed to make my will, lest I should be surprised by death; my mind is greatly calmed and centered in God. I have well considered all the solemnities of death.

Saturday and Sunday, 9, 10. We sat melancholy in the house—dumb Sabbaths! Dr. Sims read me Mr. Wesley’s sermon upon the depth of the riches of the wisdom and of the knowledge of God.

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I was led to meditate on the same subject: “By whom shall Jacob rise?” 1. Jacob,—the Church. 2. Rise to spiritual glory. 3. By whom Jacob hath risen. 4. By whom the Church shall rise it is a prophetic character of the Church. Jacob—see that man loved by his mother, hated by his brethren after the flesh, guarded against unlawful marriages, yet had two wives, representing the Jewish and Gentile state of the Church. See his afflictions and persecutions; the danger of being extinct in his family; yet preserved, his children, his piety, his prayers. A type of Christ, and his Church. Jacob, rise! rise, increase in children, in faith, in love, in mercy, in justice, in truth, in zeal, in ministerial gifts, in faithful watchmen. By whom hath the Church risen? By Abel, by Enoch, by Noah, by Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; by Moses and Aaron, Joshua, and the elders that outlived Joshua; by Joel, by Ruth, by Obadiah, servant of Ahab, by Micah, by Joash, by Jotham, Hezekiah, and his grandson Josiah; and all the prophets; by the great wrestling Jacob; by Jesus and his apostles; by faithful ministers in all ages, nations and societies. We want knowledge to know, and time to mention their names. By whom shall Jacob rise? God will pour out his Spirit in the last days on ministers and people, old men and maidens, young men and children, ministers and members of his Church, magistrates and masters, parents and guardians. He is small: see all the little flock—the holy seed; all the weaknesses, all the apostates and backsliders, all the want of justice, mercy, truth, and true religion: these shall be replaced with opposite characters and graces; all the vacancies of ministers and virtues shall be filled up, and more abundantly supplied in spiritual and heavenly glory, when all shall know the Lord, and be taught of the Lord, and all be righteous, and the knowledge of the Lord shall cover the earth, as the water doth all the deep places of the earth and seas. But by whom shall Jacob rise? I answer, by the wisdom, power, mercy, truth, love, and holiness of God, displayed in a glorious Gospel. I am sure Jacob shall rise by the merit, righteousness, and intercession of Jesus Christ. I answer again, by the operations of the eternal Spirit of God, in its convincing, converting, and sanctifying influences, manifested by the calling and qualifying ministers for the work; that thousands of ministers may go forth, and millions of souls may be brought home by their instrumentality.

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Whilst taking a sober, contemplative ride for three hours, I conversed sweetly with God; my mind and body were refreshed with a clear and cold day. I read a few chapters in the book of God. In the evening Mr. James Green Martin came to receive deacon’s orders; he brought letters of consolation from Richard Whatcoat and Jesse Lee. Also the wishes of my dear brethren and sisters that waited to see me.

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I felt a little better; I rode out, but it was not as

comfortable a day as yesterday. The smallest exercise or application to study is too great for me. The doctor pronounces my complaint to be debility. I have taken cider with nails put into it, and fever powders, and must take more of the barks.

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My mind is grieved with the old sore in Virginia; but I must bear it patiently. One of our sisters asked me if we would not rebaptize persons that desired it. This put me to thinking and revolving the subject in my mind. I considered that there was neither precept nor example in holy writ to justify our rebaptizing one who had been baptized in the name and form which Christ commanded in Matthew 28:19.

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Was my well day; I took some of the powders, had good

nursing, and got rest. I only read the Bible and the Form of Discipline. I write, ride, and talk a little with the women, children, and Africans. My thoughts were led to meditate upon 1 Timothy 4:16: “Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself and them that hear thee.”

I. “Take heed to thyself,”—in religion, as in nature, self-preservation is one of the first laws. Take heed that thy experience in religion and doctrine be sound; that thou hast a good heart, and a good head, and a good life, and a good conversation, ministerial diligence and fidelity in every part of Christian and pastoral duty. Saved already by grace, thou shalt be preserved from all the snares set for thy feet, and not backslide as a Christian minister, but feel persevering, sanctifying, glorifying, and crowning grace.

II. Thou shalt “save them that hear thee,” from lukewarmness and backsliding; legality on the one hand, and making void the law through faith on the other; that they profess and possess, live and walk as it becometh the Gospel of Christ.

III. “Continue in them,”—in all the doctrines, ordinances, and duties of the Gospel: the same Gospel, the same ordinances, the same duties which are designed to complete the work in the souls of ministers as Christians, are as needful to continue the work of grace as to begin it; and not only continue, but to finish and bring on the headstone with shouting.

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I employed myself as much as my health would admit, in reading the Bible and writing such observations thereon as were suggested to my mind.

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I had to keep house; O dumb day! I am better, yet it is not safe for me to go out such very cold weather. I read the word of God and preached.

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Very little done; I wrote to Dr. Coke, advising against the British brethren going to law with the contentious party about their houses.

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I am in a more comfortable state of body and mind, for which I feel thankful. I am taking the bark.

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I felt much amended by the bark and rest. It appears to have been the Mount Moriah where Abraham essayed to offer up his Isaac, on which the temple of God was built upwards of eight hundred years thereafter, and before the offering of Christ, nearly or upon the same spot, eight hundred and seventy-two: the types and prophecies are not small arguments for the truth of the Scriptures; for fore-knowledge doth not belong to man—he cannot tell, only by probable conjectures, anything that will befall himself, unless revealed by the spirit of prophecy. The prophecy made by the man of God, 1 Kings 13, fulfilled by Josiah, 2 Kings 23. Between the prophecy and fulfilment a probable space of time of about three hundred and fifty years, completely accomplished in every punctilio, and the prophet’s tomb and sleeping ashes taken notice of, the prophet’s memory kept, who died a witness to what he said, to seal the truth, and his sleeping bones lying there on the spot: what man, untaught by God, who knoweth all things, could come and foretell such events which should so surely come to pass, without being taught and sent of God?

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Perhaps we may call this one of the coldest days of this winter. I slept under two double-milled blankets, beside coverlids and sheets, but could not keep warm. This is the fifth season of cold weather we have had in Virginia since the first of November. We have had snow, but this is gone in a day: this excepted, it is cold enough for the north. Strange life for me—to sit and burn myself by the fire, and to be nursed. I feel a small return of health. I have been reading David’s Psalms in Hebrew, and the Book of Genesis in the English Bible. I could not but admire the provision made for the heathen nations, civil and barbarous, by Abraham’s second marriage, and by Ishmael and Esau’s posterity. This attended to according to their names, as traced in the Universal History, we should not wondering ask, Where did this or that nation of people come from? either Indians or Africans. I cannot preach now, only to the family, and when a stranger cometh in.

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I rose in the morning, in some fear lest I had or should say too much on slavery. I made a choice of a verse, 1 Kings 22:16: “And the king said unto him, How many times shall I adjure thee that thou tell me nothing but that which is true in the name of the Lord,” or Jehovah. I have found relief by taking barks, in strength, in feeling, in breath, and in my breast, and have a hope of being raised up once more.

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Extremely cold. I am closely confined in my room, but could neither read nor write.

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It is exceedingly cold still. The pain in my breast is returned; I fear it is immovably fixed more or less until death. Lord, thy will be done! Wearisome days are appointed for me. Brother Edward Drumgoole came in the evening of Christmas day. I am cheered with company and with Christ also. I feel as if the coming year would be marked with displays of Divine power upon the souls of men to whoever may live to see it.

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We had open weather and rain. I am so much better in health that confinement is as trying to me as hard labour. I hope, if it pleaseth my God, I shall have health to be of some service to mankind yet. Ah! what is life and all this dull round, but for God and souls!

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A falling of snow—very cold. I have taken the bark. This is the ninth day, and I am strengthened; but the wine in the smallest portions makes me feverish, and it is astringent. I feel need of great patience, prayer, and faith.

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We had hard frost and snow. I am thankful it is rest time with the poor blacks, or many might be frozen to death. Ungrateful man that I am, how am I favoured above millions!

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Extremely cold. Mrs. Selby desired to see me, bad riding as it was, through the snow and ice. I am mending. I prayed for health, and had faith to believe I should recover. I thought if God would spare me I was willing to labour and suffer out my days; but the thought of being useless is most distressing to an active, benevolent mind.

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I felt weakness of body and dejection of mind; and

sometimes I am brought to think of requesting, as Elijah and Jonah did, that I may die. I cannot pray in the family without injury; wherefore should I request to live? O! my God, thy will be done in all things—mine in nothing, but as it pleaseth thee!

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We had a meeting at my lodging.

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